Deadly Ever After by Eben Brooks

Hush, little darling, be glad you’re alive

Your sister is busily sharpening knives

And your daddy’s new widow is a monster on dreads

Come with me or else soon you’ll be dead

I’m not much to look at, at least in good light

The shape is just fine but the color’s a fright

And I know I might scare you but trust me, my dear

It’s the Story, not me, you should fear

And the Tale marches on searching for ever after

Not happy at all put an ‘s’ on that laughter

The Narrative couldn’t care less who it kills by the by

When it’s already written, the scene where you died

But the head taker’s axe is turned roughly aside

By the Piper, the Fighter, the Builder, the Killer and I 

It’s the Story, not you, that will die

It’s a gingerbread house in a nestle of trees

Why isn’t it covered with ants, flies, and bees?

There’s a fire on the hearth and a pot full of stew

The ingredient missing is you

Don’t give me your lip no it’s not gonna fly

There are laws that the world will not let you defy

And it’s true, I admit, that you’d never get old

But the landing would leave you quite cold

Chorus

We each barely escaped from the clutches of fables

Which makes us uniquely equipped to disable them

But there’s still dangers with which we all still grapple

So whatever you do, don’t give me that apple

Goddammit, I’m sleeping, I can’t break this spell

So I’ll have to rely on the sister from hell 

Who will borrow a tale from the cat down the hall

Just the villain to rescue us all

Chorus


The song is available on youtube for your listening pleasure.

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Red Slipper #38

Author’s Note: I’m not sure if this really qualifies as a “story”, but I was taking wedding photos for another story and this is a picture of some of the guests, who failed to actually sit down. Sims (sigh). I thought it would be amusing to articulate what everyone is thinking while the happy couple is saying their vows, as only Sage (black hair) and Nancy (red hair, purple dress) appear to paying attention to the actual ceremony.  Amazonian Bachelor(ette)

Marital Musings

Right to Left: Sage, Ellen, Zaran, Anasta, Dakota, Nancy, Juniper, Mitchell

Marital Musings

Sage: I wish Ellen would move her head, I can’t see what’s happening. Morgan surely looks lovely. I wonder if Finch knows how lucky he is.

Ellen: I’m watching you, Mitchell. Make one wrong move and your ass is mine. That’s right, buddy, keep your hands where I can see them.

Zaran: My baby’s getting married. I’m so happy!

Anasta: Aah! It burns! That is just so wrong! Where’s the Brain Bleach? Why isn’t there a tent? I’m sure to get a sunburn!

Dakota: Man, Juniper is hot. Check out her breasts. I heard she’d had a kid. Certainly didn’t hurt her figure.

Juniper: Hey, eyes up here! Wonder who the weirdo in the dress is? Must be a relative of Morgan’s. I wonder if she knows that black isn’t really appropriate for a wedding. I hope I don’t choke later. This is a major Event, I know the only reason I was selected to sing was because of my connection to Morgan. Still it’s my big break…

Nancy: What does she see in him? I’m a much more suitable choice. Just smile, Nancy. You’ve played this role before. Smile, smile, and smile again until your cheeks. Don’t let anyone know how much you loathe being here, pretending to be happy for the couple. I sincerely hope they don’t serve hot dogs and beer for the reception. That would be typical for a Ruby. Now if it was my wedding….

Mitchell: Man, I can’t get a break! Detective Crawford needs to relax. I’m not so low-class as to attempt to “acquire” anything at a wedding. Well, not without putting something else in its place…Besides what do you give someone who already has everything? Not that the wedding gifts were all that great…figures Nancy gave them a copy of Emily Post’s etiquette rules. Who’d want that in the first place? Azure sure looks nice in his fancy duds…

 

 

Red Slipper #37: Beauty and the Beast Submission

04-17-17_7-29-51 AM

Skyler Johnston

Traits: Music Lover, Creative, Outgoing

Aspiration: Musical Genius

Skills: Guitar 5, Violin 5

Background: Skylar was a wandering minstrel. Due to circumstances beyond his control (something about offending somebody rich and powerful), he was traveling near Windenburg during the winter when he suffered an accident. The Beast (or his servants) found him and nursed him back to health. Once he recovered, he decided (or was encouraged) to stay for awhile…

 

04-17-17_7-30-24 AM

Xaine Exipelh (The Beast)

Traits: Hot-headed, Loves outdoors, Vegetarian

Aspiration: Freelance Botanist

Skills: Gardening 7, Herbalism 5, Rocket Science 2

Background: Xaine was a crew member on a scout ship which crashed near Windenburg. The only survivor, Xaine tried to seek help from the nearby village. The superstitious villagers, fearing him to be a demon due to his alien appearance and unfamiliar language, chased him out. Xaine found shelter in a nearby ruin. He used his meager engineering abilities (he is a xenobotanist) to rig an illusion to deter the locals from entering the ruin. He found an injured human and nursed him back to health. Lacking anywhere else to go, the human agreed to stay and act as a liaison, eventually hiring other misfits to take care of more mundane chores while Xaine worked in his greenhouse creating hybrids and developing herbal medicines to sell to the locals…

04-17-17_8-10-10 AM

Tomas de Ojeda (The Villain)

Traits: Insider, Mean, Evil

Aspiration: Leader of the Pack

Background: A fanatic/zealot who is determined to exorcise the “demon” in the castle.

 

Red Slipper #36: KSMC S3

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STARLIGHT SHORES – Kelvin Silver died today after being attacked by a great white shark. He is survived by his wife Mozzy, children Uriel, Lucian and Chloe, grandson Quentin, great-grandchildren Felipe, Piper, Wendy, Bryanna, Joe and Aiden, and great-great-granddaughter Elliana.

Elliana the assassin

At the time of Kelvin’s death, Elliana was a newborn baby. Yes, I need to change her last name…

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Quentin apparently got sick of Mercedes’ flirting and autonomously broke up with her. I let her go since she’d fulfilled her part by having six children. She reached Level 4 or 5 of Vocalist…

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Felipe got another tattoo…tattoos are picked randomly and placed randomly…

Piper, Wendy, Bryanna and Joe all aged up and moved out. Felipe and Nathaniel had another daughter, Dania. Neither girl got an IF so I used someone’s reward points to get a Dusty Old Lamp for Elliana. Uriel finally got his last promotion and I moved him out. Lucian is a level 8 Journalist. Quentin used his days off to attend 8 out of 10 skill classes. He is level 4 Music. Nathaniel finally went to work after taking time off to have 2 children and get married. Felipe is a level 2 Astronomer. Aiden is one day away from aging up. Elliana is now a child and Dania is a toddler. So I now have only 7 sims in the house, soon to be 6…

 

 

Red Slipper #35: KSMC S3

Back again, another Sim week has passed…

Kelvin – 87, Level 10 Lifeguard, 36/50 sims saved

Uriel – 66, Level 9 Video Game Developer, Painting 8, Writing 5

Lucian – 63, Level 7 Journalist

Mozzy – 63, Level 10 Ghost Hunter

Quentin – 39, Level 4 Music

Mercedes – 38, Level 4 Singer

Nathaniel – 31, married to Felipe, father of Lexie, Level 1 Sports Agent (Job Hopper)

Felipe – 19, Level 1 Astronomer

Piper – 15

Lexie – 13

Bryanna – 11

Wendy – 11

Chloe – 9

Joe – 8

Aiden – 5

Anyway, Quentin and Misty have been having marital problems. I think she was caught flirting with one of the other males in the household since he has the “Betrayed” moodlet. Misty gave birth to their sixth and final child, a boy Aiden.

One of Felipe’s rolls was “Awesome”. I plan on getting him at least one Legacy statue. I tried to do the various timeline thingy, but my game keeps glitching when I try “Summoning the Time Traveler” action.

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Here’s Felipe using a giant magnet to summon meteors. Of course, any magnet strong enough to pull a rock from the sky would probably destroy the city first…

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The dystopia…

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Felipe had to try a mysterious dew. It turned him green…

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The Utopia…

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Felipe’s second tattoo, received after he aged to YA…

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His husband from the future, Nathaniel Castle…He was the only unmarried sim with a child. A daughter Lexie.

Felipe’s Rolls:

—25-26) Step Children – This roll works exactly like Couple, with the added requirement that the spouse or unmarried partner must already have one or more children who are not your sim’s biological children. These children must come with their parent into your household. You are allowed to exceed the number of children rolled in section B when moving in the spouse. You may also exceed the limit in order to produce biological children with the new spouse, but only by one pregnancy, and only if not having a biological heir bothers you. If the spouse/partner brings you less children than required by your roll, your sim must make up the difference by any means–biological or adoption– in order to reach the total you rolled. The heir may be any of the children: biological, adopted, or a step-child.

—3 (1 step-daughter, 2 natural, first born natural child is heir)

—23) Astronomer (Space Explorer) (ITF required)

—15) Job Hopper – Must play a sequence of careers in order, playing each career until you reach level 5 (for careers or professions), or for a week in sim-time (for part time and non-standard careers). Roll ten times for the different careers, and play them in the order you rolled them. Your sim may retire or die before they have played through all ten careers. If you happen to reach the end of the sequence, the sim may stay in the 10th career indefinitely, or you may roll ten more times.

—5) AWESOME! – You must accomplish something really awesome, preferably related to your heir’s career or traits, though miscellaneous awesome is allowed. Examples of this include creating a sim bot, putting together a complete gallery of all Egyptian relics, finding and displaying all gems, bugs, or metals in the game, etc.

—10) Tattoo Addict – your sim must have a new tattoo every Sim week. The addict can be the heir or the spouse/partner (unless you’ve rolled single parent; then the heir must be the addict).

Red Slipper #34: KSMC

So…in the Sims 3:

Kelvin and Mozzy maxed their careers. Kelvin has saved 36/50 sims. Mozzy gave birth to a daughter, Chloe. Uriel is a level 9 Video Game Designer. Lucian is a level 7 Journalist. Quinten and Misty aged up to adult. Quinten is a level 3 Musician. Misty gave birth to a son: Joe. Misty is pregnant with her sixth and final child. The other kids all aged up as well. Felipe is now a teen and per his “Fun” roll, has gotten his first tattoo:

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A blue moon on his right forearm. He is in his swim outfit.

 

In the Sims 4:

Children were born. That’s pretty much it. Although I am such a bad simmer that their first born was taken by social services. So I cheated and made Randi pregnant with twins the next time around. One of those got taken by social services. So their official oldest child is a girl: Tessa. Followed by twins: Lorelei and Simeon. Also, I re-read the rules for “Haunted House”. Old age is not an “untimely” death. So I still have to kill one more sim to complete Jaden’s roll. I was thinking of killing Randi as soon as their sixth child ages up to child stage.